February 3, 2023
Dear friends,
My daughter Valerie, my only child, died on January 31, 2022, after a very brief, very brave battle with cancer. We were both completely blindsided by the Stage IV diagnosis only a few short weeks earlier on December 29, 2021. And from that day forward, I’ve kept detailed notes, starting with how we spent those final days, through my first year of living with indescribable pain and grief (the first anniversary was just three days ago). And I continue to write every day about journey in and (hopefully) through grief, which is invariably intertwined with all my memories of Valerie. So this blog will be my exploration of these dual experiences.
One small-but-important caveat: I’m not an expert, or a counselor or psychologist. I’m just a grieving mother who’s trying to find her way through this darkness. So what I write here may not be at all right for you, or even possible in your particular circumstances. One of the hardest things for me has been the realization that no one can actually help, because no one can understand — there’s not one single other person on the planet who had my relationship with Valerie. It’s a very lonely place, in that way. At the same time, I do believe we can help each other just by being there; we can’t fix it, but maybe we can make it a little more bearable just by being present. With that in mind, I would really love to hear about your own experiences.
I have these hopes for this blog: that you will get to know a little about my daughter, that being open about how I’m handling this might be of some help to you, and that sharing my experiences will encourage us all to find our own unique path to follow through life, no matter what losses we bear along the way.
Gratefully,
Lindy
I’ve recently started a YouTube channel to share memories of my daughter Valerie, as well as following my own grieving process; this channel is the companion to the Dear Valerie blog. Some of the videos will be illustrated readings of the letters I’ve been writing to Valerie including the one from her 2022 birthday; the original letter is here. I’d love it if you’d visit me on YouTube.
Dear Valerie: Remembering My Daughter 
2 responses to “Dear Valerie: An Introduction”
I lost my beautiful daughter Cindy at 59 years in the year 2020 ,a life lost way to soon.
I soon realized I would never hear her sweet voice see, her beautiful smile and her walking up my front porch just to say high and to get a kiss and.a.hug after a long day of work.
She fought that terrible illness called sojrens like a soldier since her early 20ies as it slowly took her kidney function away in her mid 40ies.Cindy had a kidney transplant that lasted only18
months then she went on dyalise .Even though it saved her life temporary it was still he’ll.l miss her more then I can say,I have a lump in my throat just thinking about it all. I should go for now to get along with my day, my grief is always with me..
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Hello, Barbara,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Cindy. It’s terrible to have to watch your beloved child (no matter what age) go through the kind of suffering you describe, and not be able to help. And it’s even worse when you have to go on living without her, knowing that that enormous gap in your life can never be filled.
Having just recently passed the 3-year mark of my own daughter’s death (she died in January 2022, 3 weeks before her 39th birthday), I know all too well that you’re right about grief being always there… like every time something wonderful happens and I realize I can no longer run to tell Valerie about it, and it’s also there when something not so wonderful happens, and I am once again hit with the reality that she isn’t there to be supportive, as she always was with me.
Thank you for being here, Barbara. Again, I am truly sorry that you have lost Cindy. She sounds like such an amazing person and daughter.
Take care. I’m sending love to you.
Lindy
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